New Job Depression

On Tuesday I went in for job interview at JCPenney. I didn't think much of it. I was called for the interview a little more than 24 hours before. I had just told my friends that I was heading back to Philadelphia, refreshed and renewed to continue my job search.

I came to New York to visit family, take a break from the job search and check out the job market. My cousin convinced me to apply to JCPenney because she worked at one location that was hiring. I figured, why not? I spent the first half of the summer in sporadic pain too intense to work, then the rest has been spent stressing through job posts. If I could find a job in the city of my childhood at least I'd finally have some income.

That's how I found myself in a room with about a dozen other JCP hopefuls. As the interview commenced, the more I got to know the other applicants the more I wanted to stay. I went from not really caring if I were hired to secretly praying that I was.

They escorted four people from the room, and the rest of us were 'the chosen.' I was on a high. I had filled out more than 6 dozen applications this summer for various positions. and this was the second interview I had been granted. I have a job.

Two days later the high was gone, and I can't help but re-evaluate where I went wrong. There's nothing wrong with working retail, but I hate to think this is what I spent  four years and $46,000 on. I got a degree so I could be eligible to fold shirts, and sign people up for store cards.

My one biggest regret about college is not having enough confidence. I doubted myself, talked myself out of a lot beneficial opportunities. Now, I find myself doing it again.I feel my confidence slipping, and with every unanswered email the voice of doubt finds reason to resurface.

But I know enough to know better now. I know who I am, and who I was.

I will work at JCPenney because they pay, and I honestly love the store (something I picked-up at the very sparse Indiana Mall). I will also work to fill the gap between theoretical lectures and practical application. I suppose I'm afraid that I will never be able to do that; that those moments and opportunities that I passed on will continue to be a pattern.

I want more out of life and as I watch my classmates move one with life, I hope I don't get stuck here.

Big City Living

With one large over-stuffed suitcase, a one-way bus ticket and a metro card I made my way to New York City. It's either the smartest or dumbest thing I could have done since I'm dead broke. 

I've previously lived in New York for 12 years, but it doesn't make this experience any less daunting. I hope it all works out. Fingers crossed!